Sabre-toothed Mining Trucks Are Bitchin'

Bitchin' Lunch

It was the early 90’s and to avoid getting a job, or worse end up on the dole I had enrolled in a painting course at Gateway Tafe in the arse end of Brisbane. Along with a rag tag of art school drop outs we’d spend the days throwing paint around on canvases, drinking goon and smoking cigarettes in the adjourning railway yard.

On Fridays the local pub had a $1.05 roast lunch (sponsored by radio station B105). With only one of the class with a car it meant cramming everyone up to 9 of us into a small torana for a hair raising ride to the pub, (but that’s another bitchin’ story.) The rest of the week was spent in the cafeteria playing pool , eating chip and gravy sandwiches, and chatting up the fashion students.

It was on one of these days a fellow class mate asked for a bread roll with and a sausage roll, he proceeded to place the sausage roll onto a bread roll, squirt a liberal amount on of tomato sauce onto it and take a bite as if nothing unusual had just taken place, I was pretty amazed by this ballsy choice for lunch and asked him what it was. "It’s a Metallica Burger", he muttered, “’cause it’s heavy as fuck”. That was enough for me and I trotted off to get myself one.

“Give us a Metallica Burger will ya” I squawked to the cafeteria lady ,and to my surprise she knew exactly what I was after and slid over the packet containing my new lunchtime adventure.

$2.50 and a gut full of carbs later I was heading back to class feeling pretty darn BITCHIN’!

Youthful bitchin'ness

A few of us were attending a meeting at a nice pub in Fitzroy, and Sarah found this coaster which had a biro drawing on it, presumably made by some little boy (?). She kept it because of the incredible PROTO-BITCHIN'NESS of the art. I'll let her explain it to you:

"I based my assessment of proto-bitchin'ness on the presence of lightning bolt like shapes above the head of the main figure, the fact that the main figure appears to have safety pins protruding from its head and is holding a trident, but primarily because of the angular font of that appears to spell "Xyem". With a bit of work that font wouldn't look out of place on the cover of a heavy metal album."

I'd add that there appears to be a flying alien Grey (or is that a bitchin' skull?) wearing a crown in the top right corner. Does that "Xyem" have wheels on it? And is that some kind of bear sauntering away on the bottom right?

This may be the bitchin'est image yet seen on this blog.

bitchin'!

Rock, meat and fire

I'm working on making an animated cop show, and the way we plan to excite our audience is with liberal applications of ROCK, MEAT and FIRE, the most bitchin' things ever created.

ROCK means rock'n'roll, obviously. The rock in the cop show will involve a lot of synthesizers, which lowers the bitchin' factor. Synths are not that bitchin' unless they're keytars with wibbly pitch bend knobs.

But obviously the heart of rock's bitchin'-ness is the guitars (see the "quad-guitar" post from earlier).

MEAT is of course delicious as well as bitchin'. Bitchin' people eat meat, and so do really fat people. Whether it comes in the form of legs of roast boar (such as Asterix and Obelix enjoy), steaming chicken parmigianas (a Melbourne favourite) or even Slim Jims (real meat, juiced and combined with semi-edible plastic at the atomic level), meat is hot, dripping and bitchin'.

There are four elements (five, if you include Captain Planet's "heart", a sop to weak children). They are Earth, Air, Water, and of course Fire: the bitchin'est element.

Fire may be the most bitchin' thing in the universe, as it can destroy virtually any other bitchin' thing in existence. Fire can be a tiny flicker burning Steven Seagal's joss stick, a roaring flame pouring from Arnold Schwarzenegger's flamethrower or an atomic explosion wiping out a whole city (including cute dogs. Fire that destroys everything but a cute dog is not bitchin', and probably isn't even fire, as it's most likely digitally created for a movie.

And here's a recap of some bitchin' things added by Ben to the comments section:

cobras
Eval Keneival
Trans-formers
Card/gambling symbols (dice etc)
Sexy mermaids
Roasted Boar
Beer
Joints
Marlboro
Umlauts
anything chrome
monster trucks
Bruce Willis
Predator

Vegemite

Wikipedia helped with this one. The "sort of" encyclopedia calls it a "dark brown food paste". A substance like this is difficult to judge, bitchin'-wise, because of opposing properties:

1. It's gooey and synthesized from yeast. Not so bitchin'.
2. It's massively salty and the byproduct of beer manufacturing. Probably bitchin'.

Consider also:

1. It's mentioned in the song "Down Under" by Men At Work. Bitchin'.
2. It's mentioned in the song "True Blue" by John Williamson. Terribly un-bitchin'.

The decider is that it freaks Americans out. Bitchin'!

Huge cheeseburgers dripping with fat

Delicious, dripping cheeseburgers are bitchin'.

Macca's burgers never drip, and that's why they're so garbage.

In fact, anything that drips is generally bitchin'. In lad mags, hot chicks are always hanging on the beach with ocean spray drooling down them. Cold, delicious sodas always have sweat dripping down the bottle. Awesome gladiators and barbarians drip with sweat AND blood.

Delicious cheeseburgers are even bitchin' the next day when you take them out of the fridge... but they're not AS bitchin' if you eat them cold, because the fat will have solidified and congealed, and therefore won't be dripping any more.