bitchin'!

Rock, meat and fire

I'm working on making an animated cop show, and the way we plan to excite our audience is with liberal applications of ROCK, MEAT and FIRE, the most bitchin' things ever created.

ROCK means rock'n'roll, obviously. The rock in the cop show will involve a lot of synthesizers, which lowers the bitchin' factor. Synths are not that bitchin' unless they're keytars with wibbly pitch bend knobs.

But obviously the heart of rock's bitchin'-ness is the guitars (see the "quad-guitar" post from earlier).

MEAT is of course delicious as well as bitchin'. Bitchin' people eat meat, and so do really fat people. Whether it comes in the form of legs of roast boar (such as Asterix and Obelix enjoy), steaming chicken parmigianas (a Melbourne favourite) or even Slim Jims (real meat, juiced and combined with semi-edible plastic at the atomic level), meat is hot, dripping and bitchin'.

There are four elements (five, if you include Captain Planet's "heart", a sop to weak children). They are Earth, Air, Water, and of course Fire: the bitchin'est element.

Fire may be the most bitchin' thing in the universe, as it can destroy virtually any other bitchin' thing in existence. Fire can be a tiny flicker burning Steven Seagal's joss stick, a roaring flame pouring from Arnold Schwarzenegger's flamethrower or an atomic explosion wiping out a whole city (including cute dogs. Fire that destroys everything but a cute dog is not bitchin', and probably isn't even fire, as it's most likely digitally created for a movie.

And here's a recap of some bitchin' things added by Ben to the comments section:

cobras
Eval Keneival
Trans-formers
Card/gambling symbols (dice etc)
Sexy mermaids
Roasted Boar
Beer
Joints
Marlboro
Umlauts
anything chrome
monster trucks
Bruce Willis
Predator

Vegemite

Wikipedia helped with this one. The "sort of" encyclopedia calls it a "dark brown food paste". A substance like this is difficult to judge, bitchin'-wise, because of opposing properties:

1. It's gooey and synthesized from yeast. Not so bitchin'.
2. It's massively salty and the byproduct of beer manufacturing. Probably bitchin'.

Consider also:

1. It's mentioned in the song "Down Under" by Men At Work. Bitchin'.
2. It's mentioned in the song "True Blue" by John Williamson. Terribly un-bitchin'.

The decider is that it freaks Americans out. Bitchin'!

Huge cheeseburgers dripping with fat

Delicious, dripping cheeseburgers are bitchin'.

Macca's burgers never drip, and that's why they're so garbage.

In fact, anything that drips is generally bitchin'. In lad mags, hot chicks are always hanging on the beach with ocean spray drooling down them. Cold, delicious sodas always have sweat dripping down the bottle. Awesome gladiators and barbarians drip with sweat AND blood.

Delicious cheeseburgers are even bitchin' the next day when you take them out of the fridge... but they're not AS bitchin' if you eat them cold, because the fat will have solidified and congealed, and therefore won't be dripping any more.

Pengrat

This is what a "pengrat" might look like.

Phillip Island

Writes John Retallick:

"End of High School trips to Philip Island stealing wheels from cars attached to caravans with people sleeping in them! Bitchin!!"

End of high school trips are, undoubtedly, bitchin', especially if you're driving a bitchin' car, such as this 1984 Celica GTS.

I don't think stealing is bitchin', unless the people whose car you're stealing the wheel from almost ran you off the road near Bass. Then, stealing their wheel is both bitchin' and righteous (righteous bitchin'!).

Phillip Island itself is bitchin' because of the penguins that live there. However, Phillip Island penguins are not as bitchin' as St Kilda Pier penguins, because St Kilda penguins may well have been cross-breeding with beach rats to create some kind of "pengrat". Pengrats are bitchin'!

Tap solos

Tap solos on guitar are bitchin'. Therefore, Van Halen and AC/DC are bitchin' also.

Before My Conversation With David

I wrote this list:

Violins?

Flames: tick

Yum Cha?

Skulls: tick

Monkey Magic: tick

Monstrous fish?

Muscle Cars: tick

Werewolves: tick

Surfing: tick

BMX: tick

Skateboarding: tick

Catholic Iconography: tick

Sexy Women: tick

Gothic Fonts: tick

On the same page i drew a placid looking guinea pig surrounded by flames with an eight ball and bones above it.

Also a cute big-eyed drawing of Hindu deathmachine goddess Kali in a Kill Bill style jumpsuit with belt and boots (inspired by Ghee Happy, see my blog entry here).

Unicorns Vs Pegasuses

I'm David, and I'm one of the artists taking part in a big gallery show called Exhibitchin'! I don't know when or where the show's going to be on yet, but it is going to be awesome and, indeed, bitchin'.

My fiance Sarah is also going to be in the Exhibitchin'!, and so we had a discussion last night about whether unicorns are bitchin'. I think they are. They appear in a lot of fantasy art, and they're basically horses but with a big pointy horn in the middle of their heads. If the horn shot flames, that'd be even more bitchin', but surely just the horn is enough.

She's not sure what she's going to draw for Exhibitchin'!, so, knowing she's always liked unicorns, I suggested she draw one, maybe a FLYING one (flying is bitchin').

She was against this, because traditionally unicorns should not be able to fly. The PEGASUS is a horse that can fly. So I suggested she draw a pegasus flying through the air, towing a unicorn below it on a rope, like how helicopters carry things.

While pegasuses (what's the plural?) are bitchin', almost as bitchin' is the Aussie band PEGAZUS (note the "z"), who use the image of a pegasus on most, if not all, their album covers, and who play classic heavy metal with tap solos and about sixteen bass drum pedals. Listen to them here.

Sarah wondered if guinea pigs were bitchin'. I think they are, but only if they have a realistically blank expression on their face. If they're animated guinea pigs with "tude", they are not bitchin'.

I suggested some blank-faced guinea pigs could maybe be parachuting off the back of the towed unicorn, shooting flamethrowers (fire is bitchin'). I'm not sure if she's going to do this or not.

Hopefully soon we'll have posts here from other artists involved in the Exhibitchin'!, such as Sarah, Ben Hutchings and Pat Grant.